By Chatsie CEO, Romanie Thomas
This isn’t strictly about ageing (or aging for our American readers), but family communication is so central to Chatsie’s concept that it feels odd not to write about the Christmas period. Big occasions are often stressful, leaving us feeling let down. My hope with this piece is to challenge the myth that family gatherings should be effortlessly happy. By acknowledging reality, we can devise strategies that work for us—and finally enjoy that magical feeling when everything comes together.
Anyone who has set a meaningful business goal knows how hard it is. It’s easy to write a wish list, but narrowing it down to one ambitious yet achievable objective is the hallmark of good strategy—and it’s not easy.
Here’s an example of a wish list:
These are tactics, not goals, and the list is too long—it sets you up to fail. Instead, focus on one theme or feeling and plan around it. For example: I want my kids to connect deeply with their extended family.
Here’s how this might look when you anchor everything to that one theme:
We spoke with my sister and brother-in-law, who are hosting, and suggested focusing gift-buying on the kids and skipping adult presents. This way, everyone has more time and money to choose thoughtful gifts for the children, rather than diluting the process with volume. It’s a straightforward plan that reduces stress and is easy to communicate.
I’m a big advocate of taking a strengths-based approach in all important aspects of life. Communicating with family during a high-stress occasion is no exception.
Take my other half, for example. He doesn’t enjoy small talk (unlike me, who would be an Olympic contender in that sport), but he excels at having meaningful conversations with one or two people. Knowing this, he plans who to connect with and even considers the best setting (perhaps a quieter room). This way, everyone leaves feeling happier and more connected.
This one’s simple: you can’t pour from an empty cup. In your daily life, what refreshes and grounds you? Good sleep might be harder to achieve if you’re staying elsewhere or hosting. Can you step outside (alone) for a walk with the dog? A quick run before lunch?
Most people are sympathetic when you explain that you need a bit of downtime during hectic social occasions. Planning for this perfectly human need helps everyone feel happier when you’re back together.
Personally, I’m energetic in the mornings, but by late afternoon, I start to wilt. I’ve already pencilled in 3–4 p.m. for a walk (rain or shine) and communicated this to my other half so it’s not a surprise. The activity doesn’t have to be entirely selfish—I’ll take the dogs and baby along! But I’ll make sure it’s time away from the adults, giving me an hour to regroup.
In families, we all play roles. The downside? Those roles are often assigned when we’re young and might not match who we are as adults. The key is to privately understand the role you play—and, most importantly, be happy with it.
A great role is one that you’re both good at and enjoy. Are you a natural Christmas MC—the person who knows the order of the day and keeps things running smoothly? If that’s your strength and you enjoy it, lean into it! Taking that responsibility off your host’s shoulders could make a huge difference.
The power of a follow-up in business is strongest when it’s immediate. Why should personal interactions be any different? Answer: they’re not.
If you (wisely) leave your phone elsewhere to stay present, keep a small notebook in your pocket to jot down gifts you’ve received or meaningful conversations you’ve had. Following up quickly—whether with a thank-you note, a thoughtful message, or a small gesture—helps turn fleeting moments of connection into something deeper and longer-lasting.
If you do use your phone for photos, here’s a tip: review those pictures later and turn them into thank-you postcards. (I use Touchnote, but there are plenty of similar apps.)
Let me leave you with some wisdom from leaders far more accomplished than me:
“Plans are nothing; planning is everything.”
– Dwight D. Eisenhower, Supreme Commander of the Allied Expeditionary Forces in Europe during World War II
“It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan.”
– Eleanor Roosevelt
“Plan your work for today and every day, then work your plan.”
– Margaret Thatcher
“Chance favors the prepared mind.”
– Louis Pasteur
In short, planning your approach to communication this Christmas isn’t “odd”—it’s smart. And with a little thought and preparation, you’re far more likely to walk away having had a great time.
Good luck, and a very merry Christmas to you all!